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Breakfast Club: Crumpets

After my recent High Fidelity post on the best ways to fill your cereal bowl sparked off the reams of inane back chat I was, in all honesty, expecting - with someone, who shall hence forth remain nameless, even chastising me for not naming Weetabix in my top 3, I mean, hello, Weetabix!!! What is this? Wartime Briton? - it occured to me that I shouldn't be so self centred and impose my eating habits on a world of people who only want to look at music related blogs to see whose trouser contraption they should be riding this week. So here is born a true investigative journalism experiment. I call it Breakfast Club. This week I spoke to Gin Trewhella, one half of fabric's in house press team, quizzing him on his habitual morning chowing habits. So what's your preferred method of nutrition at breakfast? I like bran flakes early doors, followed by crumpets later on. It’s very much a two stage procedure Can you provide timings for each course? I hit bran flakes around 8.45. C-pits at 11ish. If I have the bunce.* Uh-huh and how do you take your 'c-pits'? Nearly burnt, with loads of butter. Never margarine, that'd be like ordering a Jack Daniels and Pepsi. I think the crumpets speak for themselves, no need for toppings But isn’t butter technically a 'topping'? Nah, butter is integral to the crumpet experience. Anything beyond that is a topping. So no jam then? Nope, sometimes I'll branch out but usually only to remind me how much I like them plain. What do you think crumpets offer that cereals don't? Good question, and the answer is three fold: 1) Warmth 2) No mushy left over squidgy milk-sodden cereal 3) And mopping up melted butter with your last scrap is special Plus, as a bonus ball, if you leave a bowl of cereal unwashed you have some serious scraping on your hands. C-pits don't do that to you But the butter melting through can result in unwanted drippage. Do you take any precautions to prevent unsightly trouser stains? That is a concern it’s true. But not for a pro. Big boy styles. Don’t need no protection. This is grown man business. So would you consider yourself a seasoned napkin user? Or is it all about moving the plate to you? Nah, I never hold it with a napkin. It’s always a combination of the plate and a tactical titling of the crumpet. That ensures no drippage Do you have a preferred brand? Yes, I do: Warburtons. Born and Bread? Indeed. They outstrip the nearest rival by a distance, that being M&S own brand. They crisp up perfectly and taste so much thicker, doughier and more wholesome. So - can you provide your top 3 tips for the perfect breakfast experience? Well, the thing is I have a different vibe at the weekend which I don't really want to go into it too much but, this is strictly a working breakfast vibe. 1) Make it two-tier. Tier one sets you up for the day gets you through the journey to work. Tier two is all about the flavour keeps you going till lunch and helps those first fifteen minutes of work back at your desk taste so much sweeter 2) Don't overcomplicate: never put sugar on cereal, never put topping on a crumpet. 3) Never leave your crumpets anywhere obvious, they WILL get stolen. With thanks to Gin. Footnotes: Did you know?: Crumpets were an Anglo-Saxon invention. In early times, they were hard pancakes cooked on a griddle, rather than the soft and spongy crumpets of the Victorian era which were made with yeast. The crumpet-makers of the Midlands and London developed the characteristic holes, by adding extra baking powder to the yeast dough. *bunce: regional English slang for money. See also: shrapnel, coinage, cheddar etc.
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